WINNER 2024
THE TWENTY-SEVENTH KING’S ENGLISH SOCIETY PRIZE FOR EXCELLENT ENGLISH
The twenty-seventh Prize for Excellent English covered material published in 2023.
The Joint Winners
Allison Pearson, for Equity? More like a hit wicket for cricket’s racial harmony, from The Daily Telegraph, Features, page 7, 28/6/2023.
This was so full of terrific sense, beautifully expressed, that one judge wanted to quote about half of it. Allison sees and describes the issues so clearly, whereas the Independent Commission for Equity in Cricket has produced a report of absurd stupidity, avoiding all the evidence that cricket does so much for racial harmony until trouble-makers revel in publicity instead of being slapped down. This superbly written polemic should be read by everyone, as its advice is relevant to much more than cricket. The long opening sentence is a masterpiece.
Some days, it feels like there are forces at work that will not rest until everything we love about this country, every tradition, every harmless pastime, every innocent aside, every sweet courtesy, every thrilling sport, every beloved book, every patriotic song, every “You gotta laugh, aincha?”, are forced to prostrate themselves before our mirthless enemies and beg forgiveness. ...
... The diversity, equality and inclusion brigade may be cloaked in the garb of liberal reasonableness but, make no mistake, their goals are Marxist. Like woodworms, they gnaw away at the foundations of our society, hoping the whole damn thing will one day come tumbling down. And the brainwashed powers-that-be conspire to help them. ... Yet, instead of actively sticking up for what they are already promoting, they [the England and Wales Cricket Board] cravenly capitulate to the new report.
Simon Heffer for George Orwell’s prediction has come true – and Dahl’s the tip of the iceberg. The censorship of books, states and history is an attempt to eradicate the past and enforce a single point of view, from The Daily Telegraph, 22/2/2023.
The subtitle accurately describes the theme of this very well argued and written, forceful and important article.
... The vandalism of Roald Dahl’s writings for children by “sensitivity readers” to make them “suitable”, has brought the wickedness of rewriting, or eliminating, the past and evidence of it, to the forefront of our discourse. ...
... whole historical ideas must now be modified to please ill-educated and inexperienced tyros, if they are allowed into the public area at all. Are we really so delicate? Why tolerate this lunacy?...
... We have arrived at our own endless present, or Year Zero, where the record, historical or otherwise, is readily falsified. Its rules are designed to prevent what that arrogant and self-regarding minority who feel obliged to police and alter the thoughts of the rest of us consider the ultimate crime: giving offence. ...
... Like Pol Pot, that minority feels a moral duty to erase the past to attain Year Zero. Sadly for us, their main qualifications are an overbearing self-righteousness, a profound ignorance of history and a deep misunderstanding of the idea of liberty that few of us share.
The other four finalists, in random order
Vicki Beeby, for ‘The Girls of Bomber Command’, Chapter 22, pages 230-236, London: Canelo, 2023.
This has terrific fictional descriptions of actions during a bombing raid on Germany in WW2, with entirely believable accounts of the Australian pilot’s thoughts throughout the raid. One almost feels part of the action as it seems so realistic. The dialogue between the crew is crisp, friendly, practical and urgent at times. This was a joy to read with excellent use of English for describing action and thoughts under pressure.
... The moment they crossed the Dutch coast, Greg’s fears of heavy flak were borne out. Brilliant flashes burst close to the aircraft, buffeting them wildly, and searchlights scanned the skies. ‘Navigator’, he called over the intercom, meaning to ask for a course that would take them round the worst of the explosions, but at that moment a cry came from one of the gunners.
‘Lanc going down to port!’
Even as the words tore across the intercom, Greg saw a streak of scarlet plummet only yards from the tip of C-Charlie’s port wing. He instinctively banked, and in doing so probably saved their lives, for a fighter appeared out of nowhere, spitting glowing streams of tracer fire at the point where C-Charlie’s tail would have been if Greg hadn’t made his sudden manoeuvre. ...
... He had barely completed the manoeuvre when there came a loud crash, and the Lancaster rocked violently. Greg felt the shock through the control column and had to fight to stay on course.
‘Report!’ he yelled.
There was a lengthy pause, long enough for Greg to fear the worst. Then came: ‘Tail gunner here, Skip. There’s a hole in the fuselage the size of Lincoln Cathedral. Sid and George are down.’
Kathy Lette for What all working women need is a wife, from The Daily Telegraph, 11/2/2023.
This is very amusing, with good jokes and wry comments. There are unusual similes and metaphors, subtle turns of phrase, and sustained use of English to express humour and frustration.
Working mums juggle so much we could be in the Cirque du Soleil.
Before marriage, I fantasised about becoming one of those superwomen who could balance a cheque book with one hand and a baby with the other, while whipping up an entire gourmet meal for the kids plus their friends, even though all I had in the fridge was some eczema cream and half a bulb of garlic....
... But what females can’t understand is why a bloke can determine the exact mile to the gallon ratio of a five-hour trip to the south of France, where he effortlessly locates the remote fishing village that’s not even on the map – yet can’t find the mop, toilet brush or vacuum cleaner, which have been kept in the same place for the past, oh, 20 years. ...
... we no longer want man’s seat on the bus, we want his seat on the board. But for any woman who does crave a FTSE 100 job and a family, I suggest you marry a man who likes to shop and mop.
... it’s also scientifically proven that no woman ever shot her husband while he was vacuuming.
Madeline Grant for Guys, I wanna be straight with you, said our pally PM. It was pure Blair, from The Daily Telegraph, page 4, 23/6/2023.
This is full of good descriptions, jokes and phrases. Pithy, accurate and amusing.
Alas, poor Rishi – he seems destined to be haunted by PMs past. A whole week trying to exorcise Boris Johnson, only to be possessed by the poltergeist of Tony Blair. It was uncanny. “Getting” became “gedding”, almost every “g” was dropped. Matey verbal tics –“look” and a quizzical “right?” punctuated each sentence. There were no ladies and gentlemen in this audience, only “guys”.
Like his muse, the PM seems to particularly favour the rolled-up shirt sleeves look. He probably thinks this says, “approachable, but still a man of action”. In fact, it makes him look like an out-of-his-depth gynaecologist. ...
In fact, the whole address ... has the manner of a soon-to-be-divorced parent explaining to the children why it was that Daddy would be sleeping on the sofa from now on; plenty of emphasis on it not being anybody’s fault, but also that it wasn’t going to be easy.
Dominic Sandbrook for How absurd for the BBC’s cancel tsars to demonise P. G. Wodehouse while glorifying crude comedians, from The Mail on Sunday, page 25, 5/3/2023.
This was good, with very sensible views. His attack on the BBC is well written and sustained.
Of all P. G. Wodehouse’s wonderful gallery of blundering oafs, terrifying aunts and all-knowing manservants, the monocled Psmith – the P is silent – is one of his most endearing creations. ...
No sane person, no matter how suffused with the mania of wokery, could possibly find Psmith offensive. Or so one might think. ...
But when I tuned in, the first thing I heard wasn’t Wodehouse’s peerless comic prose. It was a BBC announcer, piously warning that I was about to hear ‘some dated attitudes and language’. ...
But when people are sticking warning labels on P. G. Wodehouse, something is seriously wrong. Indeed, you could hardly find a more ludicrous target, because he was one of the most tolerant, generous-spirited writers imaginable.
Entries for items published in 2024 should be sent to Dr Bernard Lamb at
by the end of May 2025, and those published in 2025 should be sent to Dr Lamb by the end of May 2026.
All entries must be of prose, fiction or non-fiction, published in the specified year, with a named author or authors, and must be sent in by members of the KES. The writers need not be British or members of the society, and may be professional writers or amateurs. Any long works, such as books, must be represented by a short extract only. All entries are read by each of the three judges, who are members of the KES and experienced writers with diverse backgrounds and tastes in writing.
Judges: Bernard Lamb (chairman), Ray Ward and John Bennett