WINNER 2022
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WINNER 2022

 

THE TWENTY-FIFTH KING’S ENGLISH SOCIETY PRIZE FOR EXCELLENT ENGLISH

The twenty-fifth Prize for Excellent English covered material published in 2021.

 

The Joint Winners

 

Kathy Lette for Dear daughter, you can take me away any time…. The Sunday Telegraph Travel Section, 14/3/2021.

The humour and philosophy are superb throughout, with a terrific first paragraph.

Teenagers are God’s punishment for having sex in the first place. Living with a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban; mothers aren’t allowed to dance, sing, flirt, laugh or wear short skirts. When my daughter, Georgie, was 13, I was sashaying toward the front door in high heels when she stormed after me, exclaiming, “What are you wearing? You are not going out like that. Go back to your room and change immediately!”

… Ouch. I wilted like day-old salad. Low self-esteem is hereditary – you get it from your teenage daughters.

… A mother delivers her child once vaginally, but then by car forever afterwards.

… Kids can be a great comfort in your old age, but they sure as hell make you reach it faster, too. Especially teenage girls taken hostage by their hormones. But, despite the exhaustion that comes with supervising digital detoxes, discouraging tattoos, side-boobs, piercings and the perception that Love Island contestants are role models, we mums love our progeny unconditionally.

 

Roger Lewis for Oozing and palely loitering. The Daily Telegraph, 6/2/2021.

This is a witty, scathing demolition-job in which the reviewer pillories the author for her hapless choice of banalities in pursuit of easy familiarity with the reader. The opening paragraphs are typical.

Situated for two centuries in the icy silence of his tomb, in the Cimitero Acattolico, Rome, John Keats at least hasn’t had to confront the Keatsians – the scholars, academics and other buffoons who have published books and papers about Keats’ Post-Newtonian Poetics, The Etymology of Porphryo’s Name, The Dying Keats: A Case for Euthanasia?, and, not forgetting, Keats, Modesty and Masturbation.

Now comes Lucasta Miller’s Keats: A Brief Life in Nine Poems and One Epitaph (Jonathan Cape, £17.99), which is one big farrago of cliché, jargon, mixed metaphor and general sloppiness. Page upon page is filled with phrases like under the skin, scruff of the neck, strapped for cash, cocked a snook, one fell swoop, punches far above the weight. Ad infinitum…

… His romantic imagination, we are vouchsafed, was “elastic, winged, capricious”, which conjures in my mind a picture of Ena Sharples’s knickers.

… I also wonder why Miller has taken Keats as her subject, as she is worried that he is already “canonised as a dead white European male”, which implies that only live black or Asian women are truly morally upright, possess fortitude and humility, and hence are permitted a voice.

 

Four other finalists, in random order

 

Nikki Haley for We could use some of Thatcher’s confidence and conviction. The Daily Telegraph, 6/11/2021. This is a brilliant and persuasive exposition of why capitalism has done and is doing wonders throughout the world. Her opening is sharp, eloquent and sums up her theme in a few words. It is a stirring political tour-de-force with fired-up rhetoric and sustained logical arguments in very clear English.

Capitalism is the greatest driver of prosperity and destroyer of poverty in history. It’s the single best way to help families, boost wages, create jobs, and discover the breakthroughs that improve all our lives.

…The Right must recapture its passion for economic freedom. It’s the only way to stop the socialist wave crashing over our country. Inspiring leaders show the way.

… Democrats are on the verge of creating the first cradle-to-grave welfare state in US history; a country where dependency is the default. It’s a guaranteed recipe for national decline.

… It’s time to face the truth: Spending trillions of dollars won’t solve our problems. Spending trillions of dollars is the problem.

… We need to describe what capitalism has done – namely, lifting more people out of poverty than anything else in human history. Economic freedom has doubled American life expectancy from 40 to 80. It has cut infant mortality from a third of children to practically none.

… America is not rotten. America is not racist. Freedom and the rule of law are not tools of oppression. They are essential to providing opportunity for all.

 

Allison Pearson for The Church of England is abandoning its flock. The Daily Telegraph 14/7/2021.

She argues well on an important topic, with good rhetorical devices and a great build-up of rage within paragraphs.

… Having lost faith in the eternal verities, the CofE now makes stipendiary clergy redundant – some rural benefices of 10 churches have to share one vicar! – while lunging for relevance with lectures like the one immortally entitled “The Church and the Clitoris”. Er, it’s been a while since I was a Sunday school teacher but isn’t the G in “G-spot” supposed to stand for God?

… The new “growth strategy” is called Myriad. It means getting rid of the clergy with their tedious theological knowledge about, you know, the Bible.

Flog the vicarages! Abandon the churches, centre of our communities for centuries and a beloved part of the spiritual geography of these islands! Dispense with those annoying old parishioners – the ghastly people probably vote Tory anyway!

… Apparently, there is no easy way for sacking bishops, even ones who despise half their congregation. How terribly convenient. Make no mistake, the Church is abandoning its flock and expects to get away with it.

 

Ariella Budick for Drawn to darkness and light. Financial Times ‘Life and Art’, 19-20/6/2021.

This is a well-written review of a show of Cezanne’s drawings, showing insight into the artist’s personality and versatility. There are good descriptions and turns of phrase.

In the dim light of a drawing gallery at the Museum of Modern Art in New York, Cézanne’s jagged strokes flicker and twist, refusing to cohere. “There is no line,” the artist insisted and he avoided defining contours or marking out boundaries between substance and air. A bather’s leg dissolves in a nest of twigs. A melon on a table quivers with pleasure or dread. The cumulative effect is electrifying.

… He was gripped by apples, obsessed with a specific mountain, bedevilled by bevies of nudes. With a mixture of fervour and labour, he produced sheaves of doodles, cramming dozens of separate drawings on to a single page that he sometimes kept working on for many years.

… Bloodthirstiness was never far from Cezanne’s imagination, even though he later buried it beneath veneers of peel or rind. In “Still Life With Apples, Pears and a Pot” (1900), the handle of a blue-black knife hovers menacingly above the carnal cleft of blushing pears.

 

Tom Chivers for London Clay: Journeys in the Deep City. London: Doubleday, 2021, starting at page 208.

This is well-researched and well-written book, presenting many interesting facts in an easily digested form. This chapter starts with an excellent paragraph about rain.

The rain begins at midday and doesn’t stop till after nightfall. At first it’s a gusty mizzle, then torrential, monsoon-heavy, soak-to-the-skin. On a day like this, I’m finding lost rivers everywhere. They bubble up between paving slabs, gurgle from raging manholes, pool in the gutters. They run down my waterproof jacket and into my shoes, persistent rills of rainwater from London’s toxic skies.

… Around the turn of the twelfth century, de Mandeville donated the manor to the Abbey, a down payment on eternal salvation.

I fold up the Streetfinder and wedge it between the Sullivans. Bits of map keep falling off and working their way to the bottom of my rucksack, to the place where biros go to die.

… Could this be a lost river, hiding in plain sight in the streets of Pimlico? Or a culvert from the draining of the marsh? A dog goes sniffing at my leg, a bull terrier with an eye patch.

… Language is like a rock; it comes in many forms. Some can be eroded, chipped away, others changed by heat and pressure. Here language is durable as diamond. A millennium has passed and yet this name, Longmore, persists.